Workplace reviews and raises

Every year this time they come around. The review of your work, where do you want your career to go etc. Its depressing when you see your comments on your career are the same as last year meaning you haven't moved at all. Also you get all the praise in the world, but when it comes back around and you get that crappy raise percentage what are your thoughts?

1) That doesn't even cover the cost of my gas to get here. May be time to check out those hybrid mopeds.

2) Screw those health experts, I mean is it really that important that all the food groups be represented in your daily diet?

3) Uhhh, son, have you given any thought to community college?

4) Looks like I picked a bad week to stop gambling.

5) Note to self to check with HR -- If I go postal here, does that count as a personal day?